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John Simon's Mouthwash
Old Listerine bottle
You don't want to kiss your mother with that mouth.

Origin

John Simon

Type

Bottle of mouthwash

Effects

Makes user's saliva acidic

Downsides

Eventually burns user's mouth.

Activation

Nasty criticism

Collected by

Vanessa Calder

Section

Clio-362A

Aisle

-

Shelf

-

Date of Collection

July 12th, 1977

[Source]


OriginEdit

John Simon is a book, theater, and film critic known for his scathing criticism, his vicious appraisals of the physical appearances of stars, and his ongoing feuds with actors, directors, or other critics who disagree with him.

EffectsEdit

After using the mouthwash, the user's spit will become more and more acidic after giving nasty criticism. The meaner the comment, the more it will burn the user's mouth. If left untreated, the user's saliva can become like battery acid.

CollectionEdit

It is believed that the mouthwash was imbued with his acidic, biting snarky-ness after his fight with Siskel and Ebert over Star Wars. Vanessa was called in to the scene after a party hosted by John Simon ended with most of his guests being hospitalized for burn wounds within their mouths. It was later discovered that most of the guests were also critics known for their nasty tongues. One unfortunate man could not be saved, but it was noted by many within the community that his irredeemable attacks on others would not be missed.

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