Colonel Sanders' Suit
Suit attire colonel.jpg
"It's Finger Lickin' Good!"


Colonel Harland David Sanders


Frock Coat and Bolo Tie


Impeccable work fortitude


Becomes a living icon tethered to their reputation



Collected by

Steve Jinks and Blaine Biston







Date of Collection

March 27, 2018


Origin[edit | edit source]

The Colonel is recognized across the world for his white suit, black string tie and silvered goatee. Many years of dead-end, part-time jobs led to a gas station eatery on a Kentucky interstate. He began serving chicken by pressure cooking and other tenets of his “Secret Recipe”. The station closed and Sanders slowly began franchising his recipe at 4 cents a chicken. Reaching over 600 locations, the 73-year old Sanders sold the Kentucky Fried Chicken company for $2 million ($16.2 today).

As the embodiment of KFC, Sanders served as the fried chicken ambassador – begrudgingly. Yes, he held sway over fellow executives, traveled as a public spokesperson and appeared in nearly every ad the company published. But it wasn’t his company. Focus had been shifted to profit over quality, resulting in disgusting chicken and gravy resembling “wallpaper paste”. Attempts to sell his original recipe again under his own restaurant were sued to sleep by his former company.

Effects[edit | edit source]

As Agents Jinks and Rependata agree, “This outfit literally makes you the spice of life”. The wearer becomes an unbelievably hard worker, completing tasks too difficult, tiresome or unappealing to most people. Even on their free time, they’ll be working on some project instead of relaxing. Anything they want to achieve in life seems entirely in reach with this attire.

One slight downer has been identified by (who else?) Pete. Wearing it consistently for days or more turns you into your very own idol. Every accomplishment you achieved is celebrated, giving plenty of fame and happiness. But it also finds the unsavory parts of your past. Constant misdeeds result in the user suffering financial, filial and occupational setbacks. Karma, in a sense. The artifact also identifies the collective groups the wearer represents, and will punish or support based on the reputation they hold.

Collection[edit | edit source]

Reports indicated a leading agriculture CFO and manager approved of unethical practices on company chicken farms. When they toured the facility, both started squawking like poultry, bobbing their heads and strutting about. Agents reluctantly collected it.

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