Adad-nirari I’s Axe Blade
Kassite period axe


Adad-nirari I


Axe blade


Rearranges systems to optimal output


Conflation of enemies with allies



Collected by

Warehouse 2


Ancient Archives

Date of Collection

245 BCE



Adad-nirari I is the earliest ruling Assyrian king with any surviving records about his rule. To oust the buffer state Mittani from Hittie rule, Adad-nirari combined military power with political intervention. After establishing his territories through battle, Adad addressed the kings of neighboring empires as “brothers” to show the belief he had in his empire’s strength. Mittani’s ruler Urhi-Teshrub was annoyed by the presumption, so he was overthrown and replaced with a more amicable ruler. One who always made sure to provide favorable presents in respect (and cowering).

Subsequent kings who cooperated received favorable commerce. Disturbed temples of loyal subjects were rebuilt to grandeur and roads laid to allow easy travel. Adad also instituted the policy of forced migration and moved lots of conquered peoples around the new empire. It made coordinating rebellions difficult, but also moved those with certain skills to locations they were needed to work. All people under his reign were passengers, not prisoners – they travelled safely with guard between settlements. That is all under the assumption their overthrown king swore loyalty. Otherwise the royalty would be marched home in chains and their cities razed.


Imagine being able to run a system at its peak efficiency. No more broken equipment, easy access to supplies and everybody knew how to actually do their job. Any situation really. Gigantic hospital operations staff, cranky old Ford Bronco, ailing national government. Every problem gets fixed. If anything requires changing, they occur immediately to minimize the damages. All it takes is transferring this ceremonial axe blade between similarly ranked people.

Affected users have a tendency to confuse adversaries with friends. Users report going from docile to hostile and compromising in a heartbeat without appearing to have noticed any change in their attitude. Often causes people to be either very spiteful or useful, plenty of times both.

Regents AddendumEdit

Tested early 2019 by agents Sordens, Bering, Donovan and Rependata. They noticed in test runs, where they simulated chaotic systems with Rube Goldberg's Styling Pencil in a confined area. All sample runs saw objects that were in each other’s path, falling apart, and on fire slowly move in coordination with each other. Every piece was prepared for the next step and solved any problems that arose.

Rependata and Bering concluded it was like watching comparative advantages play in a non-economic field; different objects shifted to an application they were already most capable of handling. Sordens and Donovan likened the movements to a perfect Carnot heat engine, never wasting energy on extra motions.

Agents Draco, Lattimer and Nola think the next step is performing a live subject test in Univille. For entertainment value and practical purposes. Will discuss with Eureka or DoD contacts if they would like to examine "very" experimental research.

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