Thread:GunjiBunny/@comment-3270170-20160514194139/@comment-24509764-20160517213341

May I suggest some topics of interest? I feel you have good ideas for artifacts but can still improve greatly on writing their descriptions. Here's some of the points you should try to address: Grammar and Diction & Artifact Descriptions. Not all of what is mentioned may apply to you, but they are good jumping off points to enhance your writing.

Grammar and Diction

 * Grammar is how words relate to each other within a sentence, while diction is word choice
 * You should try researching more into grammar syntax (the way something is written). Search up for specific rules and examples of good and bad grammar, punctuation, etc. to see the differences between them and why they either work or fail.
 * This is something you should learn on your own because if you don't understand word choice and grammar yourself, then you will just fall back on asking others for help on a problem you are always unable to understand.
 * Learn to write more with less. Be concise, straight to the point in your writing. After your first draft, cut out or edit anything that does not make sense or is unnecessary.
 * Tip: When you have several small or simple words back to back, try to replace it with one word larger word that matches those you changed. The changes make a text easier to read because there are less words the reader has to follow and understand in a row.
 * Example: The dog runs fast quickly across the yard. The dog sprints across the yard.
 * The same applies to strings of long words. Just think after writing if there is a shorter and much simpler way to explain what you're trying to say.
 * If you don't know how to write something elegantly, write out what you really mean when you think it. Then replace, add or move words around until you feel the sentence explains what you want without sounding too simple like a child or too complex like a professor.
 * Remove words and sentences that are redundant or unnecessary.
 * Example: An  unexpected  suprise happened. Remove unexpected; a suprise is obviously unexpected, unexpected is part of the definition of suprise.
 * Review some of your work with readibilty tests. Based on the specific test you use (Flesch-Kincaid, Gunning-Fog, etc.), the program will tell you the equivalent grade level the text is at. The lower the grade, the simpler it is too understand. On this site, I would say writing at a high school level is normal, but I feel you should be well off when you get your writing from an 8th to 10th grade level.
 * Remember someone else is reading your work. They will have no clue what to expect when they first start reading and will certainly not understand what you wrote on the page exactly the same as what you thought in your head. Stop, reflect on your writing and think. Pretend you are a stranger reading it for the first time and question how a sentence is worded, if the description you wrote makes sense or is complete rubbish. Pretend you are a critic reviewing the work for quality and how it can be improved in wording and ideas.
 * In general, research writing tips and learn as much as you can . The more you pick up on and use, the better your writing will become.
 * Here are some links you can use to widen your knowledge base, see examples and more rules and tips then I could possibly list in this space
 * 10 tips for more concise writing
 * 5 Ways to Write Concisely
 * Daily Writing Tips - especially writing basics, grammar and common mistakes
 * Readibility Score

Artifact Descriptions

 * Something I've noticed in many of your artifacts: the separation between origin and effects is unclear or non-existent at times. Place the description of the person or event in only the origin. If it mentions how the emotion or power of the owner/event was transferred into an object, that may go into the effects. However, all other mention of where the artifact came from and the story behinds its creation goes only within the origin, no parts of their life should be mentioned in the effects.
 * Everyone has input about your effects, yes, we all know. Here's why they keep asking for more explanation. Everyone here is very detail oriented. They want to expand as much upon the effects as they can imagine. What are the limitations of its powers, does it ever behave abnormally, has it ever affected significant event in history, how can it be explained scientifically, why does it do that rather than something else?
 * Now this does not mean load every page you make with boatloads of information. It's not necessary for each one. Do that for artifacts you think you can expand on. Provide a description of the subject while affected, how they behave or move. Does the artifact ever glow, create noise, move, reform itself when in use? Are there any other specific methods of neutralization, and if so, what are they? Just think over when you create the basic effect, is there anything else you can make from that?
 * Make sure the effect is relatable to the owner or creation effect. It should be understandable for the reader and not require too many leaps of logic to understand. For example, an artifact for Abraham Lincoln should make the user a skilled orator or recreate his mental state, not something random like it makes assembles fireballs into ice. That just makes zero sense compared to the origin it was created from; it does not reflect the origin in any way, with or without creativity, so it is a poor effect
 * And this last remark is just a very minor tic, does not detract from the artifacts at all. When you create a page with a picture in the infobox, check its appearence in source code befor publishing. All information in the infobox should be highlighted in a yellow-brown. Ideally, the first row should say |Box title = ____  and the second shoul be |image = File: ____   When you create your pages the image row ends up in the middle of the infobox when in source code. Although the placement does not matter when viewing the completed page, it makes editing in source code more of a nuisance. The text is jarring to look at when it goes title 1, info 1, image, title 2, info 2, etc. If you could try moving the image right below the box title row then that would be swell.
 * Also, you just need to put the pictures name in after the file:  Don't repeat the page's title, as it doesn't do anything and just creates more work.